I'm going to be a bitchy, annoying, whiny fan fic writer for a moment, because this is something that drives me crazy but I can't really voice without looking like... well, looking like a whiner.
I miss my fans. I started out writing yaoi, and I enjoyed it for a good long time, but then some switch got turned off, and I don't write it anymore. I write het, I write yuri, I write gen, and I post it in my LJ and AFF.net, and it doesn't get comments. It doesn't get attention. And I hate that! I hate that the stuff that I just rattled off without thinking is the stuff that everyone likes, hate the fact that all of the stuff that I do care about gets ignored, more or less.
I hate yaoi. I really, really hate it. I don't entirely know why. At least some of it is in conjunction with the people I associate it with. I hate the fact that the shittiest little yaoi story gets all the attention, and anything I write gets nothing. I like to think I'm a good writer, although I may just be being conceited. I don't know.
I'm tempted to delete all of my yaoi stuff. Like, seriously tempted. But I'd probably regret it later, and then where would it leave me? It's just, so much of it is shit, and I hate that it's all people read. They don't read my het or my gen or my yuri, they read my yaoi.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm buying into mainstream heteronormaty, because I write het. But when I look around fandom, all I see is yaoi/slash, followed by yuri/femmeslash, and het at the bottom. I hate the straight fangirls who are all "I'm more progressive and you're a homophobe for not writing yaoi", despite the fact that these are the types of girls who would probably move when I sat next to them for being queer. I hate that parts of my identity are being co-opted for a person's fetish, and I get that they've a right to have the fetish, but my selfish self also wants people to read my other stuff. The stuff that I care about, I wish people would notice it. I know I'm a horrible person, a selfish person, and it makes me want to pull my hair out.