cythewriter: Me + tie dye (Default)
[personal profile] cythewriter
I've known most of my life that my father is going to die. It was the first nightmare I ever had, my father dying.

And lately, he's been talking about how tired he is, although I just got a text message telling me that "everything is fine" and that they've found out what was causing the fatigue. But I am still scared.

I love my father. When my mother would fly into her rages, he would get me out of the house. He takes me out to dinner, he talks to me, he laughs at my jokes and listens to my story ideas. He recommends me music, plays, books, and I do the same. We both love Terry Pratchett. When I was little, he read to me.

My father is old. He will be 80 on November 16th. I know that he is old. I know that he is tired. But I am selfish. I want him to stay here. I want him to come to my college graduation and see me get married and come to my classroom so I can introduce him to my students. I want to keep going to movies with him, and getting into arguments. But I don't want him to hurt. I don't want him to be unhappy, because I love him and I don't want him to be in pain.

This is the first time that I've really had to think about him dying. Like, really really had to think about the fact that there will be a time when my father is not alive anymore. And I don't want to think about it, but I think I'm going to have to. That's part of being an adult. Learning that your parents are mortal.

I love you, Daddy.


cythewriter: Me + tie dye (Default)
Cy Fur

May 2010


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